“Who is the greatest pole dancer in the world?” I’m not saying that I can find out the answer, but I’d like to. In his book How to Talk to Girls at Parties, Daniel Stern is quite clear about what you need to do to have the girl/s you want, and it’s not very much. But at the same time, I think he did a great job trying to make this a book to tell women how to talk to men, rather than what they should do to have a great conversation with a man. It’s the same thing you do to yourself or other people you like. I do think we all have a bit of a need for validation that we can’t find in relationships, and that’s why, even though I don’t agree that women should have to talk to men every day, or even at all, I think it’s a necessary part of the growing relationship process, and why having a friend and an open microphone is great practice.
I think there’s something nice about the fact that it’s not all about the relationship, and not everyone has to be the best pole dancer ever. But for those who do, it’s not your job to provide validation and emotional support, which is what you would be doing if you were trying to have a good conversation about anything else, including other things besides that.
In the book, Stern talks about how it’s easier to make people talk to men the way you think they might be talking to women if you’re not someone who has had to deal with sexual harassment and assault. Do you think women have a unique perspective dealing with this type of feedback?
I think that the biggest difference is that men, men are more likely to believe the word “no” in all situations. I think women know that, even though it often feels like men are more assertive in dealing with sexual harassment or assault, that’s not so because they’re men. When you’re a woman who has experienced sexual harassment or assault, you’re more likely to go to work and face your colleagues for a different reason, and because of that, we can say “No” and we don’t think about it like “No means No.” There’s a big difference. I think that there’s a lot of empathy for that.
It seems like a natural instinct, since you’re still a woman, to try to be as assertive as possible and not be afraid. I know there are a lot of guys
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